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Tuneless Fat kid

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Dylan di Vilde
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Jun 18, 2019 12:13 pm

Tuneless Fat kid

Post by Dylan di Vilde » Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:15 am

Today like every other day
he sings in that annoying way-
a nasal adolescent whine
and songs you cannot quite define,
or voices incoherent rap
in a jaunty backwards baseball cap.
Rap I know sod all about,
his singing though is miles out –
his limitations magnified
by being loudly amplified.

With coins collecting at his feet
in a busy lunchtime city street,
he’s on a fervent quest, it seems,
to live his tuneless fat kid dreams.

With self-belief and passion strong
he bares his feelings, lost in song,
the soulful ballads  mainly those
that no-one over thirty knows.
His eyes are closed, he knows some moves
and fleetingly his act improves
but nothing really compensates
for all the notes he desecrates.

But whether he is sharp or flat
they still drop money in his hat.
So, sadly, to my sorrow
he will be back tomorrow.

What’s needed here
is a word in his ear,
to hand him his cap
and tell him he’s crap,
that what he enjoys
is really just noise,
to crush his dreams,
spoil his schemes
and to make him aware
that life is unfair.
You’re noisy, you’re flat.
Just stick to being fat.

Such a terrible task
is a really big ask-
the gloom it would place
on that great moon face
and I just cannot see
that falling to me.
Most people won’t
some might say don’t
so he’ll stay there until
somebody will.
 
 re-write
Last edited by Dylan di Vilde on Fri Jul 19, 2019 8:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
Sweepings from the Factory Floor – a new volume of poems available now at https://www.feedaread.com/profiles/10661/

Dave
Posts: 578
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: Tuneless Fat kid

Post by Dave » Fri Jul 05, 2019 7:48 am

Hey Dylan
I am a bit perplex with this one. It is great to see you posting here and your post before this was a pleasure. Humane, witty and insightful. This one less so.

The topic itself is a bit worn - been around since the ancient Greeks - young people and their idea of culture, dreams of fame and success etc. Nothing wrong with old topics but this I am afraid lacks enough of your typical wit, humour and empathy to appeal, at least to me.
Then there is the title - tuneless dreams I get it but what are a fat kid's dreams as opposed to any other person's dreams? Beautiful blond girl's tuneless dreams, rich middle class Grammar School boy's dreams. The over emphasis on the boy's fatness (not weight) is graceless. Apparently, people need good grace to 'overlook' a moon face.

Let's face it he is only busking in the street and the N admits having sod all idea about rap. Good luck to him I'd say. Even the Beatles started tuneless.

indar
Posts: 1111
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: Tuneless Fat kid

Post by indar » Fri Jul 05, 2019 4:23 pm

"They laughed me out of class, out of town, and out of the state. So I’m going home.” - Janis while speaking with Dick Cavett about attending her 10 year high school reunion this weekend in 1970.

Many a fat kid or a rejected kid dreams of going back and showing them the way Joplin was going to do. Unfortunately she ODed. The tuneless fat kid might be doomed to failure if he persists in following the rock star dream. This subject is tragic. I'm not certain the rhythm/rhyme treatment is the best for this subject but I get the message.

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Mark
Posts: 274
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:19 am

Re: Tuneless Fat kid

Post by Mark » Sat Jul 06, 2019 8:36 pm

The poem reflects the meme with a sardonic blend of satire and slapstick that both tickles and kicks.       

ajduclos
Posts: 264
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2019 7:35 pm

Re: Tuneless Fat kid

Post by ajduclos » Mon Jul 08, 2019 1:17 am

I love the meter and the rhyme - wonderful to use that which is critiqued as the method of the critique - rap rapping rap.

Aj 

poet-e
Posts: 84
Joined: Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:10 pm

Re: Tuneless Fat kid

Post by poet-e » Thu Oct 03, 2019 6:42 pm

I disagree with Dave; I haven't seen this much.

Found it funny.

What if N imagines telling kid the truth, but can't?

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