Welcome to The Tangled Branch!  Join us.

 Late Tomatoes

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
Post Reply
User avatar
Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 993
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm

 Late Tomatoes

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sat Jul 13, 2019 4:10 am

~

     Late Tomatoes
 
Of late in garden’s far corner
patient in rows and lines on stems
hundreds of late summer’s tomatoes
hard working buggers all.  Now

still green when fall’s first freeze
shuts down life’s flow – no more 
wicking through stalks the nectar 
of life, no more heat from the sun.  

We wait for the quiet gardener
to pick us from the vine and
spread us out somewhere warm
to ripen in our own good time
or in his.

~
 

Matty11
Posts: 354
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re:  Late Tomatoes

Post by Matty11 » Sat Jul 13, 2019 6:19 am

Very much enjoyed this Tracy. Particularly the tone and perspective.

best

Phil

indar
Posts: 1009
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re:  Late Tomatoes

Post by indar » Sat Jul 13, 2019 4:03 pm

spread us out somewhere warm

Something more specific perhaps, such as:

line us up on window sills

That's what I do with mine.  

Gardening seems to be a theme here. I think there is a reason. I like the cared-for, late-comer tomato perspective. Some plants know when to quit.

User avatar
Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 993
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm

Re:  Late Tomatoes

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sat Jul 13, 2019 8:17 pm

Thanks for the comments, Phil.

Indar - you found the weak line.  Window sill is an upgrade.  With my green tomatoes, I spread them on brown paper (from bags) and scatter a few bananas amongst.  But that is not so poetic.  :)

T

indar
Posts: 1009
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re:  Late Tomatoes

Post by indar » Mon Jul 15, 2019 2:42 pm

You know what I always say: poetry is truth but not always fact. If you don't like what you do to your tomatoes, make something up.

User avatar
Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 993
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm

Re:  Late Tomatoes

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:07 am

You are right, of course. :)
 

Dave
Posts: 545
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re:  Late Tomatoes

Post by Dave » Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:45 pm

Hi Tracy
I am just wondering if the perspective from teh last stabza could be maintained all the way through. I was a Little perplex by the change - or have I misunderstood something. I also wonder if some cuts or alterations might be made:
 
Of late
in garden’s far corner

patient on stems
hundreds of late summer tomatoes
hardworking hard buggers all.  (Does patient clash with hardworking since the former sounds passive and the latter active?)

Still green when fall’s first freeze
shuts down life’s flow – no more 
wicking through stalks the nectar 
of life, no more heat from the sun (is this not evident from freezing?).  

We wait for the gardener
to pick us from the vine and
spread us out to ripen
in our own good time

or in his.

Just a thought

 

User avatar
Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 993
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm

Re:  Late Tomatoes

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Wed Jul 17, 2019 6:39 pm

Good thoughts, Dave.  Thanks for sharing. 

Your edits are good, especially S.1

Revision is in the works.

Cheers.

T

 

Post Reply