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the clothes she wore

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Dave
Posts: 823
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

the clothes she wore

Post by Dave » Fri May 15, 2020 3:33 pm

the clothes she wore 
were not semaphore
nor invitation

his intentions
were neither response
nor acceptance

the result
not love
or sexy


bruises fade
the pain remains

indar
Posts: 1716
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: the clothes she wore

Post by indar » Fri May 15, 2020 4:42 pm

So much for blaming the victim if it isn't seductive clothing, right? But wait! Why was she walking all alone:
in that neighborhood,
at that time of night,
through the campus after what happened last week?

This brief write lays it out in stark terms. It addresses an age-old  condition that needs to be exposed over and over. Thanks Dave.


 

ajduclos
Posts: 833
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2019 7:35 pm

Re: the clothes she wore

Post by ajduclos » Fri May 15, 2020 7:25 pm

Slamming and stark - right on the mark Dave.  Well written and no holds barred.  Bravo !!!
Aj

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Colm Roe
Posts: 1392
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:45 am

Re: the clothes she wore

Post by Colm Roe » Sat May 16, 2020 2:02 am

So much said in so few words.
And the best use of 'semaphore' I've seen...ever!

Dave
Posts: 823
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: the clothes she wore

Post by Dave » Sun May 17, 2020 11:33 am

Thanks for all the generous replies and comments.
Dave

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Colm Roe
Posts: 1392
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:45 am

Re: the clothes she wore

Post by Colm Roe » Sun May 24, 2020 2:57 am

Hi murmac,
This tread is for poets who are looking for serious critiques. I read Dave's comment on your poem, and consider it to be honest and respectful. It might not have been what you'd have liked to read; but that's what we do here. I have differences of opinions with Dave, some, on reflection, I agree with...others I don't. But we're here to learn, and listen to what our readers think about our poems. Please accept Dave's comments (good or bad) with courtesy. Critiques (good or bad) take time, they should be considered or ignored, but always respected.
Comments like 'please stop your negative poetry' is unacceptable on this site.
Please PM me if you'd like to discuss any of the above.

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murmac
Posts: 192
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2020 1:18 am
Location: Toronto, ON, Canada

Re: the clothes she wore

Post by murmac » Sun May 24, 2020 3:52 am

Colm Roe wrote:
Sun May 24, 2020 2:57 am
Hi murmac,
This tread is for poets who are looking for serious critiques. I read Dave's comment on your poem, and consider it to be honest and respectful. It might not have been what you'd have liked to read; but that's what we do here. I have differences of opinions with Dave, some, on reflection, I agree with...others I don't. But we're here to learn, and listen to what our readers think about our poems. Please accept Dave's comments (good or bad) with courtesy. Critiques (good or bad) take time, they should be considered or ignored, but always respected.
Comments like 'please stop your negative poetry' is unacceptable on this site.
Please PM me if you'd like to discuss any of the above.
OK, I’ll try to PM you. I deleted my 5 negative responses on this thread.

Dave
Posts: 823
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: the clothes she wore

Post by Dave » Sun May 24, 2020 9:32 am

Hey all
Well I seem to have missed a shitstorm yesterday. What a pity. I have no objections to a bit of passion. Just so it is clear, I have written a PM (friendly and positive I hope) to Murmac. I won't go into it here but the gist is: I am happy he is writing on this site; I appreciate the fact that his poetry is different; I think there are things he could do better; he is free to ignore the comments but I think it helps us all if we try out what people suggest and lastly, I will try and frame my ideas as more direct suggests rather than as critique. Thanks to Colm and Indar for support of us both and more importantly poetry and this site. :D
Have a great Sunday. Life is short and precious

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Colm Roe
Posts: 1392
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:45 am

Re: the clothes she wore

Post by Colm Roe » Mon May 25, 2020 1:26 am

Thanks for your reply Dave, for contacting murmac, and for murmac's subsequent understanding :)
Not sure if that sentence was grammatically correct :?
Anywho, back to work guys...more poems please :)

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murmac
Posts: 192
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2020 1:18 am
Location: Toronto, ON, Canada

Re: the clothes she wore

Post by murmac » Mon May 25, 2020 1:07 pm

This poem makes me think, thank you.

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