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define space

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Dave
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

define space

Post by Dave » Sat Jul 18, 2020 9:46 am

 I walk through space defined by my walking through that space defined by what came before me towards space defined by where I now am which is the space between the moment before my steps and the steps to come you are my definition of other in that space and have no space of your own because either you are in my space or outside my space and your history is simply the story of how you came to be  inside or outside my space and colour defines the margins of identity your colour is not my colour I am the page and you are the black ink ink black shapes in the space white space white black words struggle for recognition in the white space definition I defined by walking through that space this page you are black words will never be enough to win you definition because I define the land which defines you as the other on that land even if I came into that space you once defined <our identity was redefined by me as my definition of space, colour, time BC the white man on the cross began all time that is now time or space or identity or colour black is not white white is white there is no black or white is not black white defines black as Africa is not Europe Europe is Europe there is no Africa or Europe is not Africa Africa is not Europe Europe is the space I walk through and Africa is the space I walk through and asia is the space I walk through America the moon defined by my walking through other time began with Columbus with Cook with East India Company east is not west west is west east is the definition of not west space outside space I white man am a walking definition creator woman rib snake charmer defined by the garden I created to keep you in or out
Aborigines go walk about in space defined by walking about broken by the definitions of space I define                     fences            own the land           you are illegal            you are spaceless
Black evaporates in white history leaving a stain history is in search of a way to evaporate white

Matty11
Posts: 489
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: define space

Post by Matty11 » Wed Jul 22, 2020 4:18 am

Enjoyed Dave. It does travel and keep the reader hooked, though there is always that option to limit the thought processes.

<our identity was redefined by me as my definition of space, colour,

Am I missing something there. with the use of punctuation?

you are spaceless

My personal preference would be to end the poem on that assertion rather than the the final focus on history.

best

Phil

Dave
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: define space

Post by Dave » Wed Jul 22, 2020 6:46 am

Hey Matty
Firstly, glad to see someone is still around. Secondly, thanks for wading through this and even liking it, what pretty sure it would put people off. Thirdly, the commas are force of habit and should not be there. Lastly, yes I was aware that the end was maybe one set of lines too far. Good call. They can go.
Dave

indar
Posts: 1754
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: define space

Post by indar » Sat Jul 25, 2020 2:24 pm

Hi Dave,

I've been looking in nd thinking how strange it is that at a time when probably most of us are at home and self isolating (I'm taking it very seriously) there are very few posts. Not only am I not writing I can hardly think of anything to say about other's writing.

I can say, however that I found this one of yours very engaging. I get the sense of a state of mind that I call a "mind-whirl". In a way its appropriate to this particular time when there's time to mentally pursue thoughts as expressed in this poem. 

The content of your poem needs long thought and further exploration that might be the outcome of these perilous times. Not preachy but an invitation to shake loose from the common perspective: me/you, them/us, even me/not me, a self dialogue that spans the gestalt psychological and social/cultural. Interesting write, appropriate format.

Dave
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: define space

Post by Dave » Sat Jul 25, 2020 8:51 pm

Thanks Indar. You make any poem and any discussion here interesting and worthwhile because you have so many clever thoughts and links and interconnections.
Thanks
 

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