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by TrevorConway
Wed Dec 01, 2021 8:30 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: It Could be Worse
Replies: 8
Views: 230

Re: It Could be Worse

No apology needed, Colm. I appreciate the effort put it, and I may well extend it the way you have done it. Your version makes mine feel underdeveloped (not that it was we've gonna be an intellectual poem 😀)

Thanks again,

Trev
by TrevorConway
Wed Dec 01, 2021 8:30 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: It Could be Worse
Replies: 8
Views: 230

Re: It Could be Worse

No apology needed, Colm. I appreciate the effort put it, and I may well extend it the way you have done it. Your version makes mine feel underdeveloped (not that it was we've gonna be an intellectual poem 😀)

Thanks again,

Trev
by TrevorConway
Tue Nov 30, 2021 9:37 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Any turn of a stone
Replies: 8
Views: 171

Re: Any turn of a stone

No problem, Colm. You're welcome. By the way, when I said "prosaic", I was thinking of how I felt it sounded too close to prose compared to verse (although some poems can work well with a very prose feel, depending on the context, etc.). But prosaic can also refer to general quality/standard as well...
by TrevorConway
Sat Nov 27, 2021 11:59 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: It Could be Worse
Replies: 8
Views: 230

Re: It Could be Worse

Great stuff, Phil. Thanks for you input.

T
by TrevorConway
Fri Nov 26, 2021 8:01 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: My wife has twisted her ankle (revision)
Replies: 7
Views: 179

Re: My wife has twisted her ankle

Hi Phil, Th title drew me in to a degree, but after reading the poem, the title felt a bit flat. Not a big deal whether you keep it or change it, though.  Interesting idea for a poem, and pretty well executed in general, I think. The main niggle for me was that there was an overegging of the hormone...
by TrevorConway
Fri Nov 26, 2021 8:40 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: It Could be Worse
Replies: 8
Views: 230

Re: It Could be Worse

Hi Dave, Thanks for the feedback. Yes, this is another poem aimed at children. I'll try to make it more remarkable in the build-up to the "punch line" (at least I hoped it'd work as a punch line). Oh, there's a similar-ish idea in Lear, is there? I might look it up, maybe even get some inspiration f...
by TrevorConway
Fri Nov 26, 2021 8:38 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: It Could be Worse
Replies: 8
Views: 230

Re: It Could be Worse

Hi Dave, Thanks for the feedback. Yes, this is another poem aimed at children. I'll try to make it more remarkable in the build-up to the "punch line" (at least I hoped it'd work as a punch line). Oh, there's a similar-ish idea in Lear, is there? I might look it up, maybe even get some inspiration f...
by TrevorConway
Wed Nov 24, 2021 9:04 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: It Could be Worse
Replies: 8
Views: 230

It Could be Worse

When you feel that life is hard
and many things are getting you down,
like mean words
or bad luck
or feeling you’re just not good enough,
always remember this:
it could be worse –
you could’ve been born a toilet brush.
by TrevorConway
Wed Nov 24, 2021 9:02 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Any turn of a stone
Replies: 8
Views: 171

Re: Any turn of a stone

Hi Colm, I found this was bogged down in prosaic, telly language in parts. I'd suggest starting at "I'm in gallery mode", then bring in the pebble if that what "it's" refers to. Some specifics below. All the best with it, Trev  (Bold = delete) Symmetry isn't lost on nature, it could, I'm sure especi...
by TrevorConway
Wed Nov 24, 2021 8:49 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: If Only
Replies: 8
Views: 286

Re: If Only

Thanks, Hanahana.

Trev