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by TrevorConway
Mon Jan 24, 2022 5:44 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: The Hunt
Replies: 3
Views: 56

Re: The Hunt

Hi Dave,

Thanks for the feedback. Good to know it works fairly well for you overall.

Trev
by TrevorConway
Mon Jan 24, 2022 5:43 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: After the Pandemic
Replies: 6
Views: 149

Re: After the Pandemic

Hey Tracy,

Thanks for commenting. Will ponder those edits.

Trev
by TrevorConway
Fri Jan 21, 2022 7:13 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: The Hunt
Replies: 3
Views: 56

The Hunt

In the toilet, I dreamed of my daughter as something other, a starved beast that would hunt me from this room if only she could smell me.   In recent months, her teeth had broken through her gums in readiness for the act, and she had been tiring me, waking at night, so I’d have no fight to give.   ...
by TrevorConway
Tue Jan 18, 2022 8:29 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: After the Pandemic
Replies: 6
Views: 149

Re: After the Pandemic

Hi Mark,

Thanks for commenting, though it seems that some of your comment was blocked.

Trev 
by TrevorConway
Wed Jan 12, 2022 8:15 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: After the Pandemic
Replies: 6
Views: 149

Re: After the Pandemic

Thanks, Colm.

Trev
by TrevorConway
Wed Jan 12, 2022 8:11 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: I could walk
Replies: 6
Views: 100

Re: I could walk

Hey Colm, This didn't get going for me until the last verse. There, the language/idea was interesting, but it felt very laboured in the verses before that. Would you try a short version of the poem and see how it works? If so, I'd suggest taking the last verse as your main framework and fitting in o...
by TrevorConway
Thu Jan 06, 2022 8:38 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: After the Pandemic
Replies: 6
Views: 149

After the Pandemic

Those who survived – and there were many – waded deep into plans, having emerged from a kind of hibernation with the veiny marks of face masks traced about their ears.   They still were inclined to keep their distance as they watched the cranes swing back into life and heard the drills and hammers ...
by TrevorConway
Fri Dec 24, 2021 5:08 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: On a train to Siena
Replies: 10
Views: 474

Re: On a train to Siena

Hi Colm, Nice atmosphere here, as others have said, and some nice ideas/writing too. I wonder if it'd be stronger without the second verse and the last line. The students/emperors would be a nice note to finish on, I think.  While I do love a good noun-as-a-verb/adjective, I found "tiaraed" a stretc...
by TrevorConway
Thu Dec 23, 2021 7:35 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Offline (children's poem)
Replies: 3
Views: 94

Re: Offline (children's poem)

Hi Phil,

Thanks for the feedback. Some good ideas there that I'll definitely look into incorporating if I can.

Cheers!

Trev
by TrevorConway
Thu Dec 23, 2021 7:34 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Offline (children's poem)
Replies: 3
Views: 94

Re: Offline (children's poem)

Hi Phil,

Thanks for the feedback. Some good ideas there that I'll definitely look into incorporating if I can.

Cheers!

Trev