Hi Linda,
Thanks for your feedback.
Trev
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Search found 210 matches
- Sun Sep 04, 2022 1:25 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: PVC
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1368
- Fri Jul 01, 2022 12:49 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: PVC
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1368
PVC
I remember when wood was suddenly not good enough. One neighbour abandoned it, and soon, another; three more conspired in the same week. Their windows were pristine pools that seemed to scorn all rot. The men who came to us bartered easily with complication. They did their work and moved on, left...
- Thu Jun 30, 2022 12:50 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Pet Sounds (children's poem)
- Replies: 4
- Views: 1293
Re: Pet Sounds (children's poem)
Thanks, Dave. Good to know it hit home.
Trev
Trev
- Tue Jun 28, 2022 1:06 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Unrestrained
- Replies: 7
- Views: 2902
Re: Unrestrained
Hi Eric, I found this overdescribed to much, but I think it could work if the language was fragmented more, rather than presenting it in proper sentences/phrases, as there is some good stuff here (see comments below). Cutting it down a bit overall might also help a bit. It's much easier to explain b...
- Tue Jun 28, 2022 12:50 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Cognitive Decline
- Replies: 5
- Views: 1380
Re: Cognitive Decline
Hi Linda, Sory to hear about your health issue. For me, this poem was about the first 2 verses. It had a nice, quaint (in a good way) feel to it. The rets explained too much. You could maybe tie the MRI with the rubber chicken core of the poem if you started with the MRI, then went into a memory of ...
- Tue Jun 28, 2022 12:45 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Pet Sounds (children's poem)
- Replies: 4
- Views: 1293
Re: Pet Sounds (children's poem)
Thanks, Linda.
Trev
Trev
- Thu Jun 09, 2022 2:03 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Pet Sounds (children's poem)
- Replies: 4
- Views: 1293
Pet Sounds (children's poem)
My granny says that music was much better in her day. “Such melody and lyrics!” she says. “They even had better hair!” “Back when I was young,” she says, “we’d go and buy a record you could play for years and years, and still you wouldn’t be bored.” “All the groups were fab!” she shouts with a gi...
- Thu Jun 09, 2022 1:59 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Just For Looking At
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2290
Re: Just For Looking At
Hi Eric,
Some nice descriptions here, but is there any way you could re-shape it to feel less dominated by the listing of things? There was a glimpse of something else in the last verse, but we need to see something similar earlier, I think.
All the best,
Trev
Some nice descriptions here, but is there any way you could re-shape it to feel less dominated by the listing of things? There was a glimpse of something else in the last verse, but we need to see something similar earlier, I think.
All the best,
Trev
- Thu Jun 09, 2022 1:26 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Parentless (children's poem)
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1141
Re: Parentless (children's poem)
Hi Linda and Eric,
Thanks for yere input here.
Trev
Thanks for yere input here.
Trev
- Sat May 28, 2022 1:02 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Parentless (children's poem)
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1141
Parentless (children's poem)
Have you ever muttered under your breath, “I wish I had no parents at all”? Yes, sometimes they’re not right or fair, and they make you feel so small, but it’s not an easy job, you know, being a full-time parent. It’s tougher than any you can imagine, like being the American president. If you h...