The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Love the poem, Dave. 

I don't think the title does it justice, though.

Jackie

The long side faces north with space round to chase and hide. I look up  from behind by the red maple sprout  or in front by the new oak, at the one and-a-half story roof and shout “Annie, Annie Over!” at a cloud, feeling proud (can’t think why now)  if my ball clears the roof pitch putting me into...

I'm still reading this, Dave, but the last stanza is a keeper—every word works (except I'd tweak the tense for "falls").

Jackie

Kate, I'm sorry I didn't get to this in time, but we have just been through a funeral in our family and I can tell you those who gave tributes would have benefited greatly from Gyppo and Dave's advice.

My deepest sympathy,

Jackie

Thank you, Phil. I'm glad it has meaning for you and I need the encouragement right now!

Jackie

Dave, why not start with the question—eliminating the first three lines? You might put "replied" in the present tense, as all the other verbs are except "discovered". Or is this poem about N's discovery at this particular party? You could consider eliminating that viewpoint as unnecessarily complica...

Interesting, as you say. Gotta be a reason for that.

Luke, I love so many things about this poem! I admit I do have trouble with the setting—it's all in the present tense, but you also have a then, and an exciting now and an unsettled now—but the emotional connections you draw with clouds, falling off the ends of lines like "grow/so unlike the clouds ...

Really enjoyed the descriptions, Gyppo—while wondering what the guys looked like.

Jackie

Hi Eric, Two such ambiguous statements: "I cannot now speak of" (for which of the myriad of reasons?) and "I sometimes/ lost my place." To lose your place sounds like losing ranking in a competition; if you were referring to a physical place wouldn't you have said, lost your sense of place? Such mys...