Love the poem, Dave.
I don't think the title does it justice, though.
Jackie
Search found 128 matches
- Fri Oct 28, 2022 9:45 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: death seen through a telescope
- Replies: 8
- Views: 2765
- Fri Oct 28, 2022 9:17 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: A Story and a Half
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1237
A Story and a Half
The long side faces north with space round to chase and hide. I look up from behind by the red maple sprout or in front by the new oak, at the one and-a-half story roof and shout “Annie, Annie Over!” at a cloud, feeling proud (can’t think why now) if my ball clears the roof pitch putting me into...
- Wed Oct 19, 2022 12:13 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: death seen through a telescope
- Replies: 8
- Views: 2765
Re: death seen through a telescope
I'm still reading this, Dave, but the last stanza is a keeper—every word works (except I'd tweak the tense for "falls").
Jackie
Jackie
- Tue Sep 27, 2022 7:14 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Mother
- Replies: 6
- Views: 1513
Re: Mother
Kate, I'm sorry I didn't get to this in time, but we have just been through a funeral in our family and I can tell you those who gave tributes would have benefited greatly from Gyppo and Dave's advice.
My deepest sympathy,
Jackie
My deepest sympathy,
Jackie
- Thu Aug 18, 2022 11:10 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Silverback
- Replies: 8
- Views: 2505
Re: Silverback
Thank you, Phil. I'm glad it has meaning for you and I need the encouragement right now!
Jackie
Jackie
- Tue Aug 16, 2022 6:35 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: The other brother
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1259
Re: The other brother
Dave, why not start with the question—eliminating the first three lines? You might put "replied" in the present tense, as all the other verbs are except "discovered". Or is this poem about N's discovery at this particular party? You could consider eliminating that viewpoint as unnecessarily complica...
- Fri Jul 01, 2022 4:28 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Art Students
- Replies: 10
- Views: 2467
Re: Art Students
Interesting, as you say. Gotta be a reason for that.
- Sat Jun 25, 2022 9:41 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Cumulus
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1125
Re: Cumulus
Luke, I love so many things about this poem! I admit I do have trouble with the setting—it's all in the present tense, but you also have a then, and an exciting now and an unsettled now—but the emotional connections you draw with clouds, falling off the ends of lines like "grow/so unlike the clouds ...
- Tue Jun 21, 2022 5:27 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Art Students
- Replies: 10
- Views: 2467
Re: Art Students
Really enjoyed the descriptions, Gyppo—while wondering what the guys looked like.
Jackie
Jackie
- Mon Jun 13, 2022 1:46 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Just For Looking At
- Replies: 6
- Views: 2275
Re: Just For Looking At
Hi Eric, Two such ambiguous statements: "I cannot now speak of" (for which of the myriad of reasons?) and "I sometimes/ lost my place." To lose your place sounds like losing ranking in a competition; if you were referring to a physical place wouldn't you have said, lost your sense of place? Such mys...