The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

hi Indar

I played around with some options, but found I have no suggestions. The poem connects with its weight of self-judgement. The affection given at the end unburdens to some degree.

enjoyed

Phil

Cheers mate. Forum seems to have taken flight already!

beyond
the pristine picket fence

I wonder if the very effective dead/stained/rusted/moldy images could be a set-up for an ambition to resist the decay? Glimpse an alternative narrative to neighbourhood life (the white hints this, but perhaps foreground?)

best

Phil

Worth working on mc. Tend to agree with Dave. Perhaps a more understated ending - one without jeers/laughter - would be an option. Perhaps shuffle and condense a little... Alone on the bank, the barge-spilled oil, shopping trolleys and traffic cones, litter no way back. best Phil

Very much enjoyed Marc. Vivid images, an involving voice; individual, but not excluding.

Everyone liked what they heard.

An irony there since everyone liked the poem

best

Phil

Hi Indar,                Some effective consonance and assonance in this: conveys the edge - though you may want to revisit contol/controlled. They flourish like mushrooms.....................use Condo for the title? at the bottom of the canyon. All day construction sounds vault my backyard fence......

Thanks Indar and Marc. A 10 is perfect I was feeling the 'perfect' was exact to the voice rather than exact. It references the film. I feel you're right on the 'punch'. I so liked the sound of "script" in context I have been trying to think of ways you could keep it. The act of writing a script coul...

Hooked by some of the ingredients in this Marc. with crayons from a tiny box where every color is red. Like the definite in that. I will write my name in chalk or chisel it in concrete. Here, there is choice, which dilutes the intensity? The first option suggests transience; the second option convey...

All these snow poems ... maybe this 30+ temperature will start to feel more inviting.

30+ That's a long-haul flight...

Thanks Kate

best

Phil

Various lists on publications around the web - the nature of ezines is one of brief lives so lists become dated - this blog mainly refs the UK:

https://abegailmorley.wordpress.com/ant ... -magazine/