The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Political poetry is out there Mark eg

https://newversenews.blogspot.co.uk/

illustrated by the first letter in each line.

Like it

I enjoyed both versions Dave. Not very helpful I know. Perhaps the revision is smoother, breathes more, but is softer - maybe there was more feel of a tightening fist in the original, maybe the voice was harder in the original form. Either way I enjoyed both versions!

best

matty

14 lines!

carcinogens
glistening on brain maps blooded with oil

seriously bleak

blooded with oil
guilty of war crimes inked on foreign soil.

A thread of colour with the oil?

You push the boundaries, good to read you again.

best

Matty

Well, I enjoyed the read Dave: the conspiracy of nods and murmurs; the smothering silence; the noise of scrunching. Grasses converse in low murmurs, nod agreement while, wordless snow like a tightening fist smothers fledgling voices. Not my footfalls;.........................alliteration, more speci...

Thanks Dave, Colm, and Indar. I've revisited S1L4 with a more expressive verb. I like Indar's use of anchored and tweaked that line too. I'm keeping to regular lines for now.

cheers

matty/Phil

Hi Eladbernard,                       One of the lessons I've learnt from posting on forums is compromise. I expect readers to understand my writing and so often they don't. Obviously, I've resisted compromising for communication, but if the poem is not communicating what is the point? There are ins...

Hold my hand up Colm. I didn't see a 'car' - perhaps that could be the title?

best

matty

revision She switches on the lamp behind his reading chair, picks up the Telegraph, dwells on the vacant space. The doodled boats he anchored in margins were so him. The word's kedging . He'd know. She leaves it incomplete. ==================================================================== origin...

Skillfully done Colm. Carries weight with lightness of touch...perfectly weighted! It's black and beautiful. The new leather aroma  induces a slow nasal intake, the open mouthed exhale almost audible, almost mantra. Too fast for laughable limits and too expensive, but sometimes we get our measuremen...