The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Hi Dave,

Thanks very much for your detailed analysis. I'll take each one into consideration when revising this in a couple of weeks.

Trev

Coffee spoons? No. I’ve measured my life in walls, fridges, questionable habits, houses shared like simmering saucepans of belief and ritual. One guy I lived with, Jean-Marc, observed the custom of washing dishes once a week. It took me a while, but I did something to change his mind, something you...

Hi Tracy, Nice idea, and well-worked towards the end especially, for me. So, the presence of the money means that the speaker didn't fake his/her death, I take it, that the wife knows for sure that he/she is dead. I found the poem was waning by the time I got to the puff-cloud afternoon (which is a ...

Thanks, Indar. That's another adjective for the roof, is it? It's a term I haven't heard before.

Trev

Hi Phil, Nice poem. Interesting subject and treatment. I found the pace/flow too fast for the subject it deals with, so I'd suggest slowing it down a bit. More details on that below. Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed it. T Bold = delete The tarn shivers. Overhead a ribbon of rooks blister the quiet. Her...

Hi Jackie, I found some things to like here, but for me, the tone was too...I suppose airy or philosophical is what I'm getting at...a bit of a lack of focus, too many extra phrases and details getting in the way or the poem you wanted to write. A sharper focus and a shorter poem might be the way to...

Hi Colm,

Thanks for commentiong. Yes, I think "tired" is the word for it. Tracy's comment showed me that "bent" was just too bland and boring.

Much-obliged,

Trev

Hi Indar, Phil, Tracy and Jackie, Much obliged for all yere feedback. Some decent points to consider there when i go at editing this. Re "race", Jackie, I just meant is as an alternative to "type". Type seemed bland, as did many synonyms, and I always like to use interesting language, as it's one of...

Hi Luke, A very sad piece, and I'm sorry for your loss. I wonder if focusing on one specific detail and teasing that out a bit might be a good approach here. I just found the ideas fairly familiar, despite it obviously being a very personal, heartfelt experience. For example, the process of giving t...

Tell me, how hard does the wind blow through the holes of your bent roof, the drooping wood of your windows? Your chimney’s stubborn like a wart, but it, too, will succumb to the slow clamour of leaves, swallowed by the green belly of the land.   You were raised for a purpose, one you fulfilled for...