The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

I have a sweet tooth, but even my teeth hurt from all of the sugar/candy references in the first stanza. :D  But it seems the Narrator of the poem has an endless appetite for the saccharine. The opening of the first two stanzas – Can you and I float. . . / Can you and I ride. . .    – suggests this ...

Very nice, Indar.  Googling gave me some further understanding, but the heart of the poem is right there.  I tend to agree with Anna about the closing.

Cheers.

T

Hi, 

Welcome.  Hope you find the site to your liking.  Most of the writers here are seeking to improve their writing, and feedback to your poems will reflect that.  Just so you know. 

Cheers.

T

Trago--

Mister Potato Head!  Nice poem. 
Yes, we are all potatoes in the dark earth.

Well done.

T

'

     Echappe-Toi 

A grenade forms the back of his head.
Left hand cupped to his mouth he appears
to yell, or to pray.  His eyes are closed,
the pin is in.  Today the face of America.
Tomorrow – a splendid granule 
or an adult cartoon.


 

indar wrote: ↑

Sun May 20, 2018 12:23 pm

Indeed Tracy,

I can't speak for that fickle Narrator in the poem---I still love Adam Schiff. VP eh? And for pres?

. . . leave it vacant until our heads clear. 

Hi Tim, This poem contains an engaging set of ideas.  I could be misreading it, but it doesn't totally work for me.  Here are what occur to me as things to consider.  [As usual, feel free to ignore :) ]     Dead Love Shop [stolen title from Indar's post] after twenty-six years, people I know divorce...

Ha!  Very very entertaining.

For the last six months Schiff has been my pick for VP.

Expressive writing, Indar.

Wow - love this!  A poem with real bite.

So much with so few words. 

Excellent opening line, for all of the right reasons.

I like the way the central metaphor carries through the poem.
Only suggestion would be to consider deleting 'innocent' (S.3 L.3).

Roman Red lipstick > 

T
 

Nice sentimental exposition, G.  You have allowed us into your family if only for the length of the reading.

Thanks.

T