The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Hi Linda, Lots to like about this one. Good overall idea, well-executed, with an interesting tone. And the pace/length feels about right. The only major sticking point for me was that the people appeared suddenly at the end. Could you try adding a new verse (after the first or second verse) which go...

A bone spoke to me this morning, one of my ribs. “Some day, you’ll be dead,” it said, “nothing left of your flesh, just rags of skull and brittle sticks.”   I rubbed my finger slowly over its subterranean mountain range, sure I couldn’t have heard it, but it spoke again – at parks and junctions, the...

Hi Eric, Fascinating stuff. I like the surrealism throughout. Overall, pace-wise, it felt a bit long-winded, like 10-15% could be cut to make the whole feel sharper.  Anyway, some specifics below. I enjoyed this a lot. Trev Another staff meeting, there are lizards at the table, a few goats, an ass. ...

Hi Eric,

You're probably right about the first stanza. Thanks for that and the overall feedback.

Cheers,

Trev

Hi Dave,

Thanks a million for the follow-up. Appreciate your help and thoughts here.

Trev

Thanks, Eric. Appreciate it.

Trev

Hi Dave, Thanks a million for the detailed feedback. I suppose the use of "will" just made it sound more interesting. We use it sometimes as a different way of saying habitual things in the ongoing present tense, so it seemed to make sense, though I do understand that it draws attention to itself (i...

Cheers, Colm. Appreciate it.

Trev

Thanks for commenting, Gyppo. That's a nice detail about having made something.

Trev

Hi Eric,

Thanks for the feedback.

Trev