Lockdown number three,
deep and crisp, uneven.
I'll leave the Christmas tree up,
it's doing well.
Horizontal branches still reach out,
no needles carpet the carpet, yet.
The booze cabinet,
half full
can extend the suspended animation.
Snow
is a possibility tomorrow,
a rare treat here, it might
prolong the illusion.
I'll enjoy the cocoon, and the rest,
before that wet wind from the West
returns
to vacuum all remnants of joy.
Some small things are deadly
as they spider through us.
Others just spread
snowflakes.
Welcome to The Tangled Branch! Join us.
Snow
-
Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3534
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Snow
Powerful, Colm.
I appreciate the N's attitude about this next succeeding lock down.
How the pleasantness of the moment can be extended by booze, and by snow.
And then the insidiousness of the disease.
Question about L. 6 -- placement of 'yet' at the line end falls heavier than it might if it instead were placed following 'needles'. Is that a cadence thing?
Line 20 -- I keep reading in the word "like" at the end of the line. I make better sense of the closing that way. But that is not what you intend.
Another strong poem.
T
I appreciate the N's attitude about this next succeeding lock down.
How the pleasantness of the moment can be extended by booze, and by snow.
And then the insidiousness of the disease.
Question about L. 6 -- placement of 'yet' at the line end falls heavier than it might if it instead were placed following 'needles'. Is that a cadence thing?
Line 20 -- I keep reading in the word "like" at the end of the line. I make better sense of the closing that way. But that is not what you intend.
Another strong poem.
T
Re: Snow
Thanks Tracy.
I thought 'yet' felt stronger where it is; more foreboding?
'Others just spread snowflakes' was a comparison. Small things like viruses do bad things, but small things like water molecules freezing to create snowflakes are not so bad
so 'like' would change the intended meaning.
Actually it could be used, but would have a more specific meaning
I thought 'yet' felt stronger where it is; more foreboding?
'Others just spread snowflakes' was a comparison. Small things like viruses do bad things, but small things like water molecules freezing to create snowflakes are not so bad
so 'like' would change the intended meaning.Actually it could be used, but would have a more specific meaning
-
Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3534
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Snow
Your explanation is convincing. I am more appreciative now. Thanks.
Still loving the poem.
One more thing:
Line 15 -- "west" can function fine earlier in the line -- a nice slant rhyme. What was the thought about end-line placement, making the only end-rhyme in the poem?
T
Still loving the poem.
One more thing:
Line 15 -- "west" can function fine earlier in the line -- a nice slant rhyme. What was the thought about end-line placement, making the only end-rhyme in the poem?
T
Re: Snow
Fine example of what my tutor tried to teach me about the difference between prose and poetry. Instead of explaining the meaning of the poem, you painted word pictures of it, pointed to it. I'm still trying to get that into my poems. As a friend of mine once said, "Your poem should show the moon orbiting the earth, a mongoose circling the cobra." The first time he said that, my jaw dropped and I said, "Huh?" Silly me. Fine poem. I especially enjoyed the discussion with Tracy about word choice and positioning. My wife still hits the trails for a hike and I still cycle around town but sure wish this virus would go somewhere and die!
Words go together in zillions of ways. Some ways go shallow and some ways go deep. ~ James Dickey
Re: Snow
Colm!
I thought I'd read this one--did you post another about snow? Fabulous write. Still taking some joy from the Christmas tree in January cozied up and waiting for snow. There is a poignant sense of trying to stay positive despite circumstances that is touching. The last few lines bring that feeling into focus. Love this one.
I thought I'd read this one--did you post another about snow? Fabulous write. Still taking some joy from the Christmas tree in January cozied up and waiting for snow. There is a poignant sense of trying to stay positive despite circumstances that is touching. The last few lines bring that feeling into focus. Love this one.