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Cottonwoods

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Cottonwoods

Post by Dave » Sun Feb 28, 2021 7:20 am

It is a very strong personal poem - the kind of poem that only you as the writer should touch. There are things here and that might be better cut but which affect the rhythm and your own vision. A moving piece without having to explicitly mention any emotions as such.
Dave
 

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Cottonwoods

Post by indar » Sat Apr 24, 2021 12:49 pm

bumped

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Gyppo
Posts: 1338
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:28 pm
Location: UK

Re: Cottonwoods

Post by Gyppo » Sat Apr 24, 2021 2:54 pm

I would be very reluctant to suggest any changes.  This poem has what I've come to 'hear' as your authentic voice, the younger Indar looking both forward and back at the same time.  It has the 'feel' of a sepia tint photograph, where you can guess at the colours but never be certain.

If you've already worked through several changes and made your way back to the original I suggest this is the one which resonates best with you.  Don't work it to death in the search for elusive 'perfection'.

Just my opinion.

Gyppo
I've been writing ever since I realised I could.  Storytelling since I started talking.  Poetry however comes and goes  ;-)

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Cottonwoods

Post by indar » Thu May 06, 2021 5:51 pm

If you've already worked through several changes and made your way back to the original I suggest this is the one which resonates best with you.  Don't work it to death in the search for elusive 'perfection'.
 
Thank you Gyppo, 

I read this poem on the NaPo open mic but my sound was so bad no one could really hear it so they asked if I would post it. It's an old one so I just bumped it up. Its as finished as it's going to get. :D

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Colm Roe
Posts: 2697
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:45 am

Re: Cottonwoods

Post by Colm Roe » Thu May 06, 2021 7:47 pm

Oh Lord Linda, it's still improving with every read.
Who wouldn't bump a poem of this calibre.
You absolutely have to read it again at the next TTB open mic.

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Cottonwoods

Post by Dave » Fri May 07, 2021 7:35 am

This reminds me in tone and style poems by Geoffrey Lehmann in a collection called Spring Forest about a fictional farm in Australia. Obviously, it is a very different context but they have a similar sense of the detailed and real, imaginative and precise, yet with an element of mystery rooted in memory and childhood. 
Dave
 

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Cottonwoods

Post by indar » Fri May 07, 2021 8:42 am

Stillcraic: Tuesday Poem - Two Poems from 'Spring Forest' by Geoffrey Lehmann  

If this is representative of his work then I've found a new poet to spend time with. Thank you so much for mentioning him and what a compliment you are in some way reminded of this collection reading "Cottonwoods". Thank you Dave

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