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May Haiku

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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AlienFlower
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May Haiku

Post by AlienFlower » Wed Jun 02, 2021 3:54 am

In summer 
the secret of snow lives in salt bins
next to my front door.
 
Violets invade 
until May when flowering
unmasks them as guests.
 
The weight of water 
holds my bird bath still while perched
jays assess the risk.

Matty11
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Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: May Haiku

Post by Matty11 » Wed Jun 02, 2021 8:44 pm

Very nice Jackie, Particularly enjoyed the notion of flowers being unmasked.

Phil

AlienFlower
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Re: May Haiku

Post by AlienFlower » Thu Jun 03, 2021 7:10 pm

Thank you, Phil. I'm having a hard time writing these days—life keeps getting in the way. 

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: May Haiku

Post by Dave » Sat Jun 05, 2021 1:23 am

I really loved these. Striking and arresting images.
Dave
 

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Gyppo
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Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:28 pm
Location: UK

Re: May Haiku

Post by Gyppo » Sat Jun 05, 2021 6:01 pm

I like them all, but I am particularly entranced by the 'secret of snow living in the salt bins'.

Jackie, even a few words now and then is better than none at all.

Gyppo
I've been writing ever since I realised I could.  Storytelling since I started talking.  Poetry however comes and goes  ;-)

indar
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: May Haiku

Post by indar » Sun Jun 06, 2021 11:29 am

In summer 
the secret of snow lives in salt bins
next to my front door.
 
Violets invade 
until May when flowering
unmasks them as guests.
 
The weight of water 
holds my bird bath still while perched
jays assess the risk.

As a former Minnesotan I know about that salt but what a visual to combine snow and salt hidden away for the summer.

I agree with the sense of fun in the idea of "unmasking of flowers".

The third might be my favorite as a bird observer with a birdbath outside my kitchen window and orange tree alongside. So amusing to see how different birds execute risk assessment making their way to water.

Wonderful collection

AlienFlower
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Re: May Haiku

Post by AlienFlower » Sun Jun 06, 2021 5:44 pm

Dave, Gyppo and Linda, thank you!

Birds entrance me, Linda, funnily enough only in the last 10 years. I don't know why I didn't pay attention to them before.

Jackie

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Colm Roe
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Re: May Haiku

Post by Colm Roe » Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:13 pm

Wonderful poeming Jackie.
But number 3 is exceptional :)

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: May Haiku

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sun Jun 27, 2021 3:01 pm

Very nice writing -- evocative, compelling.  I would consider loosening the grip on syllable counts.

Just my thought.

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