It used to be different back then,
the rhubarb would grow damn near to your knees.
The weather has been acting up.
It didn't used to be so hot
& it didn't used to rain so much
& you used to say I love you back
Dogs used to be wolves
& you used to have to clean the cloth you wiped your ass with
& you used to get into a car
& then get out of it
It used to be different back then,
the rhubarb would grow damn near to your knees.
The weather has just been acting up.
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Perennial
Re: Perennial
Hey Ike
On the one hand i enjoyed poem as it had and easy light feel to it although I hides a sadder reality in plain sight. I liked the individual images although they seemed somewhat random jumping from one non-interconnected example to another. The ass-wiping cloth is plain bizarre but hey it made me laugh and uncomfortable at the same time.
A fun start of many poems I hope.
Dave
On the one hand i enjoyed poem as it had and easy light feel to it although I hides a sadder reality in plain sight. I liked the individual images although they seemed somewhat random jumping from one non-interconnected example to another. The ass-wiping cloth is plain bizarre but hey it made me laugh and uncomfortable at the same time.
A fun start of many poems I hope.
Dave
Re: Perennial
Hi Ike,
I like rhubarb line, but agree with Dave on the cloth line...is it relating to a sex act?
Phil
I like rhubarb line, but agree with Dave on the cloth line...is it relating to a sex act?
Phil
Re: Perennial
My take on this is change...that things change, and time changes everything.
Before toilet roll we wiped with rags, then rinsed them to be used again.
We used to occasionally get into a car, now we spend our lives in them.
Rhubarbs don't like the wet soil created by the changing global climate.
Before toilet roll we wiped with rags, then rinsed them to be used again.
We used to occasionally get into a car, now we spend our lives in them.
Rhubarbs don't like the wet soil created by the changing global climate.
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Re: Perennial
Hi Ike,
I’m most intrigued by your title. It sends me to line 6, “You used to say I love you back.” If only that relationship would stay the same forever. Apparently it hasn’t, and N’s vexation turns the whole world sour.
Could you explain the purpose of S3? How does it serve the poem?
N’s voice appeals to me, but it’s a bit wordy, I think. For example, “It used to be different back then,” could be either “It used to be different,” or “It was different back then,” couldn’t it? I’m also not crazy about the &s.
Thanks for posting this,
Jackie
Re: Perennial
Ike. I did enjoy this commentary. I think Colm called the gist of it accurately. In that sense, you capture your theme well. A brisk no-nonsense poem, nice job.
I'm afraid the ass-wiping line is the most memorable. I would suggest restructuring it to avoid ending it with with.
I did a quick search on pre-bog roll hygiene, it seems cloth was a lesser solution with natural substances being the mainstay.
I'm afraid the ass-wiping line is the most memorable. I would suggest restructuring it to avoid ending it with with.
I did a quick search on pre-bog roll hygiene, it seems cloth was a lesser solution with natural substances being the mainstay.
I found this to be the most poignant. Everything can age but emotions don't necessarily have to. Cheers, Mark.