The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

The physicality and intensity of the emotions are palpable Jackie. One of my fav. subject areas - disconnection and distancing.

    Ancestor,
    that moment you emigrated,
    I’m poised to grasp it.
    Outstretched, my body taut,
    I search for clues unblinking
    like you’re a bird I’m going to snap
    taking flight.

Like that first word definiteness. Your simile is outstanding, I can feel the violent desperation of like you’re a bird I’m going to snap.

    Or a supernova I have to aim .....................explosive
    with the right resolution
    in the right place at the right time.....impossible precisions
    If I could track your events, how would I know
    which ones matter? Which stars
    explode into supernovae?
    What triggered your tipping point? .................tumble of questions
    Did you recollect that after the fact
    there’d be little to look at—
    a census taking with you gone,
    a shaking branch, or
    emptiness in the sky?............impossibility of answers

enjoyed

Phil

Hi Jackie,

I read this as musings about the mysteries of one's own identity. Had not the circumstances come together exactly as they did---no "me". This is a reading backward of where one is in this moment and an attempt to locate and understand the circumstances that bring each of us to where we are.

The examined life. Beautifully written poem that only brings the mystery to mind but answers no questions.

Jackie -- stunning images and emotional progression.
 I read this as the Narrator's monologue to a parent or grand parent immediately passing from this world --that moment you emigrated -- spirit leaving your body. N is looking for the signs of a transmigration.  This poem poses the question, what there be now that you have passed?  -- a shaking branch, or emptiness in the sky?  

Very powerful, and thought provoking.

T

Hi Jackie,

I found that there were two poems here, or at least the second stanza didn't feel like it related to the first. The first had some nice phrases, though I found it a bit too abstract overall. The second was more rewarding, sticking with the astronomical theme. I can't say I got what theme you were aiming at. That migth just be me, and poems don't always have to be very clear.

A few comments below.

All the best,

Trev


Ancestor,
that moment you emigrated,
I’m poised to grasp it. [Nice first 3 lines]
Outstretched, my body taut, 
I search for clues unblinking 
like you’re a bird I’m going to snap 
taking flight. [The last 3 lines were less interesting]
 
Or a supernova I have to aim 
with the right resolution 
in the right place at the right time. [Cliched line]
If I could track your events, how would I know
which ones matter? Which stars 
explode into supernovae? [Nice ideas here]
What triggered your tipping point? [Not so interestingly phrased]
Did you recollect that after the fact 
there’d be little to look at—
a census taking with you gone, 
a shaking branch, or
emptiness in the sky? [The last 3 lines are great]