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Torc (revision2)

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
AlienFlower
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Joined: Fri Feb 05, 2021 9:32 am
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Re: Torc (revision2)

Post by AlienFlower » Wed Sep 29, 2021 9:03 pm

Phil, 
So, gleaming mud (oh, I agree, only the best mud gleams!) circles a mound like a noose. Maybe N believes messing with graves can release evil spirits. Digging in it together/making a find there muddled the woman’s mind? Or did that happen when she unearthed an ancient cross? Muddled means she is more interested in the scrolls they discovered than in N? N thinks if she’s wearing his torc, he’ll control her mind? 
 
I’m sorry I’m arriving late here, but I really enjoyed reading all three versions. I’m still intrigued to know what the runes across her back were, but I do like revision 2 best.
 
I like the way you use noose and kneels and cipher in inventive ways. Unless I totally misunderstood the poem and I’m the one with the muddled head.
Jackie

Matty11
Posts: 1585
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: Torc (revision2)

Post by Matty11 » Fri Oct 01, 2021 12:24 am

I like the way you use noose and kneels and cipher in inventive ways.
Thanks Jackie. I'm trying to risk more in my diction(I'll reintroduce cipher).
I’m still intrigued to know what the runes across her back were
Tattoos. I intended to convey N. didn't believe in his wife's obsessions, but loved her so....

all the best

Phil

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