The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

gone to publ land

Snow in Wales! That's global warming for you
Nice read; love the clean poverty of snow.

Thanks Colm. The weather I fear here are the winds. We needed a roofer this week. Mr Tiley!

cheers

Phil

Matty, I like this.

"A beetle black night of worry" and "the poverty of snow" are both beautifully descriptive in a unique sense. Double points on both.

On the third read, it was a little humorous to me, although I can see it is not from your point of view. I would LOVE some snow but I don't have to drive in it in the pitch of the night and would worry sick if my loved ones had to drive in unsuspected snow.




~Deb

Thanks Deb for the points. Yes, humour on the outside looking-in

cheers

Phil

No cats

I looked at moving "Muted songbirds and no cats" to the conclusion of the poem.  Pluses and minuses, but I did like the progression. My only thought is take a look-see yourself.

One winter when I was young and dumb I lived in an apartment in Fargo, ND, and rented a parking lot slot for my 1967 ford.  Good lord was that a lot of shoveling, most of it in the dark. And cold. And it being Fargo - wind as well. Getting the engine to turn over was another story entirely.  

I lied - it turns out I have a second thought -- consider how S.1. L.2 reads without the pronoun "I".  

Cheers.

T

Hi Phil,

Like Deb, the beetle black night and clean poverty of snow worked well. The latter really made me stand up and take notice. I don't see how the title relates to the context, not that a title always has to clearly relate to the content.

A few specific suggestions/comments below.

Hope they help,

Trev


A beetle black night ["beetle-black"?]
of worry and I work ["and working"?]
in the clean poverty
of snow.

Songbirds mute and no cats. [The description here feel flat/lazy compared to the first verse. Anything more inventive coming to mind? "Songbirds are solid of throat"?]
I clear the drive
and car, my face
flushed and puzzled. [Flushed and puzzled at what? Maybe others understand, but not clear to me anyway]

Thanks Trev and T.

I intended this to be a climate change poem. Extreme weather (the pivot lines of cat/birds to imply this). The title relates to what we value ie cars. I was hoping the fact the snow is so deep there would be no clearing of roads. Hence the puzzlement... and perhaps a reflection by N. on what is valued. Of course, there is the instinctive...man has spade, man must dig

cheers

Phil

How can you make your Big Picture a tad more obvious?

I don't know Jackie. I tried some title changes: wealth the priority being the car rather than the climate. The extreme weather  indicated no animal/bird ventures forth and a pointlessness in the activity ie so extreme that all the roads are closed. Perhaps I'll foreground that fact.

Yes, there is something compulsive in snow shoveling

cheers

Phil