A Place Just Right

Eric Ashford · Post by **Eric Ashford** » Tue Mar 29, 2022 5:48 am

The Greyhound reels over creaking axles.
Northern Kentucky puts on weight in summer,
a green mélange thickens,
yet inside our trundling tube,
joints rattle,
gears burn through paunch and muscle.

We lurch over a crest down into a holler
An old Shaker Hymn booms across the radio:
When we find ourselves in a place just right
'Twill be in the valley of love and light.

I have often longed to be 'in a place just right,'
to be at ease in these bucking bones,
even when breathing this smother
of body odor and diesel.

At a wooden store advertising cold beers
we stop.
Is this the right place? I ask.
It’s as close as we get, says the driver.

~~~~~~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RPUjuraS5U

Post by **Tracy Mitchell** » Tue Mar 29, 2022 7:41 am

Nice!

The bus and N's body merge with the same descriptions. Effective twist at the conclusion.
Yes-- as close as we get.

Eric Ashford · Post by **Eric Ashford** » Tue Mar 29, 2022 8:05 am

Thank you Tracy. I often ponder the words of that old Shaker Hymn.

Dave · Post by **Dave** » Tue Mar 29, 2022 9:59 am

I enjoyed the poem a lot including discovering what a holler is - new to me. Nice mix of bus and human images.
I would suggest losing the dip down into the valley since this repeats the lurch down into the holler and is so relevant to the ending, which is great.

Eric Ashford · Post by **Eric Ashford** » Tue Mar 29, 2022 11:12 am

Hi Dave, thank you for this close read. You are so right, that line is unnecessary and so have stuck it out.
Good spot. Cheers.

Matty11 · Post by **Matty11** » Wed Mar 30, 2022 2:09 am

Enjoyed the journey Eric, taking the ordinary, but giving it resonance. Noticed a few edits, posting/format niggles? Or something you feel not quite right about the poem?

Phil

Eric Ashford · Post by **Eric Ashford** » Wed Mar 30, 2022 7:53 am

Hi Phil, I'm always fiddling with my stuff, sometimes for years! Glad you liked the read. Best EA

Matty11 · Post by **Matty11** » Wed Mar 30, 2022 8:35 am

So what concerns did you have with the poem Eric?
I ask because I can learn from a poet's choices.

best

Phil

Post by **Colm Roe** » Wed Mar 30, 2022 1:38 pm

Really nice read, Eric. Love (or should I say, I'm chemically attracted to

) L2 and 3. You open well, close brilliantly, and the middle ain't too shabby either.
Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Marcomando · Post by **Marcomando** » Fri Apr 01, 2022 1:39 pm

Yes! Lovely sense of place and ennui
Excellent!

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