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Cutting Grass

Posted: Mon May 09, 2022 1:21 pm
by TrevorConway
He guides the monstrous insect down the middle
to cleave the task in two,
knowing its busy rumble will signal
to neighbours and sheep he’s at it again.
He knows, too, when grass
has been given too much rein.
 
Why change his process?
He lives by order and pattern,
forging toward the same corners,
overlapping lines, hoping
not to encounter a faint mohawk
as he whittles a sizeable patch to extinction.
 
The timid dips, a neighbourhood of moss –
he knows/negotiates them all,
jabs doggedly at the flowerbed’s edge,
tilts to the threat of a driveway kerb
until the rumble stutters, stops,
as if with a crumb stuck in its throat.
 
From the full-bellied bag,
in moist porridge of cuttings tumbles,
fruited pink with the cherry blossom
of flowers fallen, cut and stirred.
Three more pulls of the cord,
and he knows he’s caught it right.
 
This light machine has new life
– or he does, determined to end
on this last load before it sags.
When the job is done, silence,
a smell as if the earth itself
is grateful.

Re: Cutting Grass

Posted: Sat May 14, 2022 12:32 am
by TrevorConway
Is this poem just a bit too prosaic/boring overall?

Any opinions, even brief, would be much-appreciated.

Thanks,

Trev

Re: Cutting Grass

Posted: Sat May 14, 2022 9:23 am
by indar
Hi Trevor,

As a rule, I appreciate the ability to change a simple act such as cutting grass into a poem. 

Look at the first 2 stanzas: they contain: he guides, he knows, he lives, he whittles. For some reason I don't like being told these things about him nearly as much as the imagery of the last three:
He negotiates timid dips, a neighbourhood of moss –
he knows/negotiates them all,
jabs doggedly at the flowerbed’s edge,
tilts to the threat of a driveway kerb
until the rumble stutters, stops,
as if with a crumb stuck in its throat.
 
From the full-bellied bag,
in moist porridge of cuttings tumbles,
fruited pink with the cherry blossom
of flowers fallen, cut and stirred.
Three more pulls of the cord,
and he knows he’s caught it right.
 
This light machine has new life
– or he does, determined to end
on this last load before it sags.
When the job is done, silence,
a smell as if the earth itself
is grateful.

Re: Cutting Grass

Posted: Sat May 14, 2022 1:59 pm
by Dave
I like what Lindy is suggesting here. The beginning of the poem seems too over written and too important for the act being described, afterall the title is very prosaic. Simplicity benefits the overall feels IMO.

Re: Cutting Grass

Posted: Sun May 15, 2022 11:09 am
by Eric Ashford
Hi Dave,
got to agree with Trevor here.
I think the first three stanza's are the poem. You say nothing much after that.
Keep working on it.

Re: Cutting Grass

Posted: Tue May 17, 2022 1:30 am
by TrevorConway
Hi Linda, Dave and Eric,

Thanks very much for yere views on this. Appreciate it.

Trev

Re: Cutting Grass

Posted: Thu May 19, 2022 2:45 pm
by Mark
Mundane is the word that comes to mind but only in a mundane way,

Re: Cutting Grass

Posted: Fri May 20, 2022 8:30 am
by TrevorConway
Thanks for commenting, Mark. I'll see what I can do to improve it.

Trev