A Loll of Evening Ease

[Eric Ashford]

Lead us to the belvedere
let lips smoke a fine cigar
the view is lovely from here.

By a dilatory elbow
a glass of mellow Merlot,
or Cabernet Sauvignon;
a thermidor and a sapid thirst.
A quietude to hold, while we savor
a soupçon of blueberry brume,
the piquant autumn airs and simmers.

Let us spoon a wind-whiffed heather,
a basted bee nectar,
a fragrance of Acacia honey,
for you alone
are our pinot paramour;
a scent-laden essence.

Look! There is a stag upon a bosky tumulus;
velvet antlers mossy and fusing,
it tromps a cloven hoof,
jouncing a matted nape
then leaps into an eventide sun.

Let us pledge a happy heart
to indolent Bacchus,
sip and sup a simple praise
for our sage bacchanalian vintner,
imbibe candied grapes in this
ambrosial and languid time.

Let us soiree at the end of day
while we dip a chin
envisioning
starlight in elfin eyes.

[indar]

Hi Eric,

I'm trying to guess your intention with this one--perhaps it was written, or should I say overwritten, to be egregiously, excessively, exaggeratedly extravagant. 

The result? Images such as those disembodied lips have my permission to smoke a cigar but not in my house. I have loved the sonics in so many of your poems that serve the purpose of accentuation, but this write seems to have been written only for the sake of alliteration/assonance to the point of missing relatable content/imagery.

[Gyppo]

Eric,

I find myself thinking along the same lines as Indar.  There's a clear love of words here, which is a fine enough end in its own right.  But if there's something hidden beneath them my more literal mind can't tease it out.  In this way it's not a typical 'Eric'.

Gyppo

[TrevorConway]

Hi Eric,

I get the voice you're going for here, but I think you've laid it on too thickly. A fairly whimsical piece, in my opinion. Most of your work that I've read is more engaging than this. Sorry for the negative overall critique, but I find such feedback can help when deciding what poems to include or exclude from collections/submissions.

All the best,

Trev

[Dave]

Hey Eric
I think the comments already given hit the nail on the head. The poem almost seems a parody of itself. Skillfully down with obvious love of words but somehow not connecting with the reader.

[Eric Ashford]

Hi Indar,
yes you got that about got his right,
It was wrote to be extravert, excessive, and wordsy
but if it hits all those marks then that was my intent!
I had fun with it.

[Eric Ashford]

No problem Trevor, I expected some negativity with this.
As I said to Indar it's a rollick and a prankish romp
wordy and flamboyant in its excessiveness.
Sometime I just write to be extravagant.
Cheers

[Eric Ashford]

Hi Dave yeo you're right' I can see that it did not connect
It is a self-involved muse that tickled my poetic bones at the time, so
no regrets. Well maybe...