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Listening (children's poem)

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TrevorConway
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Listening (children's poem)

Post by TrevorConway » Mon May 23, 2022 1:29 am

Some people just keep on talking, and don’t seem able to stop,
as if they think a moment of silence would cause their head to fall off.
Take, for example, my uncle, Frank.
He could talk all day about visiting the bank
or washing dishes, or even breathing.
His words just spew, never revealing
what he feels, as if he’s afraid
of having a moment with nothing to say.
 
He can annoy those who enjoy saying a few words themselves,
and butting in is a tough task, so I often hear them yell.
Others, I’ve seen, just walk away,
but I can listen to Frank all day.
I don’t need to speak.
In fact, I could spend a week
saying nothing at all.
I like to hear others’ words bouncing off the wall.
 
There’s nothing wrong with being quiet.
I’d advise anyone to try it.
Simply listening is perfectly okay,
not needing to think what to say.

indar
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Re: Listening (children's poem)

Post by indar » Mon May 23, 2022 12:55 pm

False advertising Trevor!

This is not a children's book---it needs to be read by adults. I think I've said that about some of your other "children's" poems as well. There are glossy adult "picture-books" for adults--wish you'd consider it. 

TrevorConway
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Re: Listening (children's poem)

Post by TrevorConway » Mon May 23, 2022 1:05 pm

Hi Linda,

Thanks for your feedback. My thinking was that this could be read by a child of, say, 9-10, and hence could be considered a children's poem. Are there any specific criteria you think I'm missing? Or you think it's a stretch to expect a child of that age (or any age) to read it?

Thanks again,

Trev

indar
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Re: Listening (children's poem)

Post by indar » Mon May 23, 2022 2:57 pm

Like the animated version of "The Point" narrated by Dustin Hoffman or Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons I guess this poem holds some appeal for both adults and children. I was taken with this bit:
His words just spew, never revealing
what he feels, as if he’s afraid
of having a moment with nothing to say.

My mind went to any obsession including obsessive talking as a way to avoid acknowledging certain feelings--even to oneself--a concept I'm guessing would breeze past a 9–10-year-old. But rethinking this that probably doesn't matter.

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Eric Ashford
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Re: Listening (children's poem)

Post by Eric Ashford » Tue May 24, 2022 9:10 am

Hi Trevor fun and true write.
Suggest watch line length for tighter read.
I think you don't need the last stanza for by then you have said it all.
Cheers.

TrevorConway
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Re: Listening (children's poem)

Post by TrevorConway » Thu May 26, 2022 1:21 am

Hi Linda & Eric,

Thanks for the follow-up, Linda.

Thanks, Eric, too, for the feedback.

Trev

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