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The Moth I Left Behind

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Eric Ashford
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The Moth I Left Behind

Post by Eric Ashford » Tue May 24, 2022 9:12 am

I love you, Broad-boarded Bee-Moth
I’m delighted by your transparent wings,
‘diaphanous’ some say.

I love your jerky jiggly flight by day
as you flitter from leaf to leaf.
Some say you flutter, but I think not so much.

You fly through riverside woods
and sometimes hover over mountain slopes,
depending on your mood, and let’s face it
you’re certainly a little moody.

You could not follow me to America,
I recall that sad rainy day when we parted,
tears ran down my ears as I waved goodbye.
You flit lonely now through a faraway sky.

Do you miss me,
my dear Broad-bordered Bee-Moth?
Do you forgive me for that brief affair
I had with that Humming-bird Hawk Moth?
She meant nothing to me.
It has always been you my dinky-winged darling,
only you.


Last edited by Eric Ashford on Wed May 25, 2022 12:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

indar
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Re: The Moth I Left Behind

Post by indar » Tue May 24, 2022 11:51 am

Heart-rending. 

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Gyppo
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Re: The Moth I Left Behind

Post by Gyppo » Tue May 24, 2022 12:45 pm

Whimsical ;-)

I think either the spell checker or auto complete has altered your opening line.

Gyppo
I've been writing ever since I realised I could.  Storytelling since I started talking.  Poetry however comes and goes  ;-)

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Eric Ashford
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Re: The Moth I Left Behind

Post by Eric Ashford » Wed May 25, 2022 12:19 pm

A tragic lovelorn tale for sure Indar.

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Eric Ashford
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Re: The Moth I Left Behind

Post by Eric Ashford » Wed May 25, 2022 12:21 pm

Emmm, looks like I might be short a comma Gyppo!
Whimsy is my thing don't you know. Cheers.

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Gyppo
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Re: The Moth I Left Behind

Post by Gyppo » Wed May 25, 2022 2:16 pm

Eric, my query was 'boarded' or 'bordered'.

What a man does with his commas is his own business ;-)  Unless it makes a major change to the meaning.

Gyppo 
I've been writing ever since I realised I could.  Storytelling since I started talking.  Poetry however comes and goes  ;-)

TrevorConway
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Re: The Moth I Left Behind

Post by TrevorConway » Thu May 26, 2022 1:39 am

Hi Eric,

I didn't really buy this until the last verse, where you went full-on with the comical tone. Before that, it felt uninteresting and melodramatic to me. I think the heart of this is a full-on comic piece. Maybe it could start with feeling pestered by the moth, trying to kill it, then, over time, falling for it...preparing for it to land on...the affairs with other insects. Just an idea. Might be ay off what you want.

All the best,

Trev 

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