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Goners & the Becoming

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Eric Ashford
Posts: 160
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2022 4:35 pm

Goners & the Becoming

Post by Eric Ashford » Sun May 08, 2022 10:44 am

there is an afterlife in these high branches
spirit bears
watch as tracks appear and
vanish

men who walk around trees become women
but only when the tree is old enough
to seed other wombs

days forgotten and missed
stack up against barbwire fences
the yet to be born
will bulldoze and
unstack

in Thailand we climbed the 200 stone steps
in the heat of the day
monkeys chattered at us from ghost houses
where incense rose
for those who live only last moments

the polished stone Buddha
smiles
thanking us for the long trek
tells us
in a thousand languages
that we are but one step on a journey
one that will not be recorded
until we are free of the thought
of being

temple monkeys howl in approval

a power stations electrified guts
spills its timebomb seeds
waits for the last fizzle of
the goners and the becoming

lifetimes lay in state
under rusting backhoes

generations glimmer
aluminum eyes buried deep
in the softening soil

we cannot recall what we were or foresee
what we can be
only keep watching
the layers grow
the mounds rise and fall

as a world excavates time with its
little pink paws

Dave
Posts: 2104
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Goners & the Becoming

Post by Dave » Tue May 10, 2022 2:45 pm

For me the poem would be clearer if it started with the 4th stanza so that the geography of the poem was clearer. At the moment, and maybe it only bothers me, I ask myself whether the first three verses are also in Thailand and if so why do I only get to know so late on.If they are not in Thailand, what's the connection.

I also don't get the change of tense between stanza 4 and the rest of the poem.
The world has pink paws?
Who knew?

Dave

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Eric Ashford
Posts: 160
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2022 4:35 pm

Re: Goners & the Becoming

Post by Eric Ashford » Thu May 12, 2022 7:35 am

Thanks for this close read and review Dave,
I kinda like the ambiguities in it however. Abstract works in this kind of write I think.
All the best

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